RIP: i thought you were bad metal...

My only savior as a teenager came as weekend trips up to Portland to see local bands at La Luna. damn that was a great scene back then. at a time when Seattle music was the only thing on the map, Portland bands were proving greater talents and originality. my first taste of Portland came as a Hazel 7", ironically bought in Seattle. Next was a Skiploader demo cassette i found at O-Zone in Portland. The third CD i bought from a local, Portland band was  Bosozoku by Thirty Ought Six..

iIgave the CD a listen but stopped about 2 songs in. My small town judgement declared this was bad metal with a high-pitched, angry sounding singer. Hazel was catchy. Hazel was simple... I'll listen to them.

It would be almost a year before i gave that CD another listen. This time i found myself blown away and unable to listen to anything else. I could not believe this was the same band I shelved away for being "bad metal". Damn, was I ever wrong!

Immediately i began thumbing through every issue of The Rocket hoping to find a date when Thirty Ought Six would be playing a show. When that date was finally found, i made plans to see them, in Portland, at LaLuna, with Hazel, Pond and Heatmiser. 

What i saw at that show, when they played, was everything i had ever sought out or hoped to find in a band and in music. It was passion, authority, sarcasm, intelligence, love, connection and brutal, brutal honesty. That night i found the person i had been seeking to be in the man standing before me, belting out  his demons for others to share, and to connect with, to feel alone no more, to feel empowered and encouraged.

Never before has the death of a rockstar or celebrity bothered me. With the exception of  Elliot Smiths passing. When Kurt Cobain died, even though I was a major Nirvana fan, I may have been shocked, but never really sad or upset. When Elliot died, I found it  upsetting mostly because of what he represented to me. And the fact that I had been at his earliest shows. But, he was so far removed from my life that i didnt feel his loss. I felt, as I think many other Portlanders did, that he was a shinning example of what Portland was at that time. Portland was beautiful and sad. Lonely and inviting. I found acceptance in a community 2 hours away, and never in my home town. Yard sculptures, Art cars and a band practicing in every basement was how i came to know Portland. 90's Portland was an exciting place to be. And no other band represented that feeling for me like Thirty Ought Six.

Learning of Sean Roberts death tonight has been like a kick to the balls. Initially i was paralyzed. Then it felt like my stomach gave way to a huge hole, and then sunk itself inside of itself, if that makes any sense. Now i feel retrospective, nostalgic and sad. Like a blanket of sadness has just covered my evening.  Thank you, Sean, for putting into action the feelings hidden in my heart. You brought courage to a young, hurt, alone and desperate kid. You played no small role in me finding my way out from under an oppressive and prejudice small town, where dreams are killed and buried in broken hearts. You encouraged me to move to Portland and find shelter in its community. You encouraged me to say what i wanted to say, wear my feelings on my sleeve and to take no bullshit for doing so. In a way, you helped me find myself. And you helped me become the person I wanted to be.So this is my goodbye to the only hero my heart has ever known. You'll live on in your words, music and ideals. You'll live on in the impact you leave on this earth.

P.S. You were never "Bad Metal".